Shine on...

I gotta quit posting...it tears me up! I just got home yesterday and got so much love from my critters. I woke up at 3 am and had two on top of me and several very close at my sides! Love it! I missed them so much. Phoebe is hanging on. She looks bad but her breathing seems to be okay but her eye looks bad with the tumor and one on her back looks inflamed and red. I feel much better now that I have seen her......the vet made it sound like she had little time but my Phoebe didn't make it to 13 being a pansy...she has moxie and maybe now that I am home.......??

The flights were actually great...if you consider 17 hours on airplanes great. I did the flight attendant shuffle on KLM both ways....and located the only two empty seats together. Nice. Both times very back rows and maybe it's payback but the Flight attendant kept forgetting me?? What's up with that?? ; )

On my Continental flight I had friends working both ways and used my vacation passes to be upgraded to business first....YAY!! You never know until last minute if it's a gamble to use your vacation passes (you get just so many a year) sometimes you use your passes and you get a nice middle seat in coach. After 23 years of flying my passes have more then come in handy on these Kazakhstan trips.....by the way...8 flights down and just 8 more to go...yeehaw!! On this trip, wonderful Tina gave me points to use the Hilton Schiphol to overnight between flights from Kaz and home. My KLM Kaz flight gets in just an hour after the CAL flight departs to IAH so an overnight is required. By the way....the Schiphol AMS airport is a mall...my favorite store in AMS is HEMA. This is a small version of the stores in the city but I ALWAYS find something, they have clothes, gifts, candy, wine, etc....this time I found a cute, cute little denim mini skirt.....not for me sillies....for Stella!!! Ha ha...those days are over for me...now comes the living and dressing vicariously though Miss Stella Bella! ; ) I asked my interpreter if there was ever another PAP that brought hair accessories on each visit...she laughed and said no. You never know what a girls going to need...I see many more hair bows and flowers in my future....yes Erin and Hannah, that's to you...I need some flowers!! Oh, Lou Ann just sent me some clothes that Lexie had at a very young age...so so sweet and thoughtful! The teethers and rattles will also be well put to use!

So what else?? I miss my Stella with an ache in my heart that I have never felt..... I found a great new song.....Shine on...that's for my Stella which means star....I think it's safe now to show what she gots! Stella Sabrina has been hiding that little soul for just me to see and now it's time for her to shine! Before I left they threw around the "miracle" word again...it makes me feel weird and in denial that it has much to do with me but it makes me feel like she really was waiting on me to come, in order to show her true colors and to shine for me! Here is a little girl that they said a month ago..."couldn't sit up, couldn't crawl, didn't push up, didn't play with toys and didn't interact".....Shine on sweet Stella, shine on....I'll see you soon!

a few of my favorite things....

My heart is bursting as I share my favorite pictures of Stella Sabrina......what can I say? Stella has captured my heart. This is what love feels like. This is true love.

Today was our last bonding say #15 of this trip or #21 if you count June. I count June because it's where I fell in love with a sweet little toot named Sabrina. To my happiness she has actually morphed into Stella who is srtong, stubborn, curious and so, so funny! She makes me laugh and right now she makes me cry. How can I leave? I have to....I have to go back to my life and work and prepare for my life with her. It's so hard. I was so proud of myself today...I handed little Stella over to her caregiver with a measly package of Hawaiian candy and asked that they remind her of me until I get back. They said that they would. I teared up but didn't cry like the baby that I am being now. My heart aches.....

I am heading home in the morning, my translator, Galina and I are going for dinner tonight. I am flying stand by on KLM so I am worried about that. I am staying overnight in AMS and if I feel up to it I will see my Dutch friends. My Continental flight will be fine...I may not have a seat but I can always jump seat home.

Oh boy, who knew? I am just so surprised at how this has all played out. I am in love with a girl! I am so thrilled and excited about my life to come. In about 20 or so days I should be back and if I get a YES then it will be official...she will be mine. I pray for a YES so that I can bring my little Stella Bella home.

Paka to my love Stella and I'll see you soon........

Sunday and the Studio

the studio

Good Sunday morning! It looks like a nice day here in Almaty. I neglected to say, but you may have figured it out from lack of complaining, after the 19th, it really cooled down. There has been a few days of rain and cool nights. Very pleasant.

Today is my off day...what to do? They have wonderful hand made wool/felt items on the 3rd floor of the Tsum. Beth bought a Yurt with a nativity scene inside. It's beautiful. I have gotten a few little things for my future Stella...slippers, purse, doll, ornament slippers for the Chirstmas tree. I would love to buy the Yurt but it's 8,500 tenge which is still $57 or so....should I? It would be a nice gift for us both to treasure and I have saved money by finding the apartment and sharing the apartment with Beth for 7 days. Hmmmmm. I am even taking home some food money as I have eaten in some........of course I still have two more trips to finance!!!! Maybe not...... ; ( Responsibility is not fun sometimes, is it??

Beth left last night at 2 am. It feels weird to be alone again. Beth and I are very different but it worked out very well. It just took Beth 1 year to get here from signing with her agency, and she has nothing at home..yet....two different mentalities but we are both very well traveled and street smart and adventurous, plus we both like wine...so it worked and a friendship was born.

I know I keep saying this but just one more day with Miss Stella....the usual 15 day bonding will be 21 for us....I don't know if that is difference or the fact that I felt like I almost could have lost her or what...but I feel so in love with this little handful. She has blossomed before my eyes and is everything that I could imagine in a child...in a daughter! Two more hurtles....saying goodbye for now to my Sugar and coming back and getting a big YES for court!

Paka

stella, the mountains and dostar

This is our Russian/American appetizer feast to go with the Dostar vodka. Dostar means friends. Galina's dish was the far left....pickles, pickled mushrooms, boiled potatoes, pink tomatoes and pickled herring. (Her sweet Kazakh husband made it all) interesting. We would toast, take a deep breath, drink then have a goodie ready like a pickle or a potato. Yes, interesting...the herring was indescribable! Really...don't ask me to describe it....ha ha!

Today I got a little longer visit with Stella...the team dropped me off then on to BH #2 for Beth. Today was Beth's last day to see her little girl until she picks her up...they are saying it should be 30 to 45 days. Today was the 2nd from last visit for me and Stella...Monday being the last. It is going to be hard to say paka to this little angel.

When they picked me up they informed me that we were finally going to get our Mountain trip so up we went. It was beautiful up there. I am glad I got to go while Beth was still here.

Tonight for Beth's last dinner we are going to Saffron....maybe it's greek or indian? I'm not sure but she wants to go. I have been adventures with food but I easily could have gone to Mama Mia every night.... ; )

Phoebe Catz

I got bad news from home today....my 14 year old kitty, Phoebe is not well. What appeared as one bump when I was home, multiplied into 3 on her back and one on her eyelid since I left. So my heart has been heavy today....Phoebe has cancer. Phoebe is a San Fran girl. I was on a trip from San Fran, stopping in Houston and then on my way home to Austin. This little girl got off the plane carrying a mama cat and her kitties. I already had one black cat at home and when I saw the sweet kitties I told her jokingly that I wanted the black one with the little white spot on her chest....she handed her to me and said I have to go and catch my flight!! I still had another flight to Austin to work!! A nice lady offered to hold phoebe for me and away we went. That was July 4th, 1996. She has been a sweet kitty with loads of personality. The doc said to bring her home and to spoil her because it won't be long. I hope she waits for me to come home.....I can hardly bear to loose another one.....

I was on my visit with Stella and I was telling Galina about Phoebe....I started crying and so did Stella...could we be connected that quickly? I feel bad that Stella will probably never know Phoebe but for Phoebe maybe Stella would prove to be too much?

Galina is coming over this evening and treating Beth and I to Vodka and some Russian/Kazakh drinking snacks...who knows how this evening will end? Good thing we are staying in!

Paka for now......

Introducing S.A.M.

Stella And Me

bonding days 9 & 10

Miss Hollywood Stella not ready to be revealed...LOL! No autographs please!

Yesterday I went to the BH all by myself, I had taken in a new outfit for Miss Stella on Monday so it took them awhile to get her all dolled up for me. As I was waiting outside of the group #3 door I could hear this beautiful song being sung by one of the caregivers. I don't know why I didn't think to record it on my iphone sooner...by the time I thought of it, she was finished. It was a beautiful soulful song that must have been sweet for those little ones to hear. Then I heard one of the caregivers sing La Dushki to her which is a nursery song....she loves it and claps her hands when I sing the only part I know...La Dushki! I found a CD of it at the book store but have no way of playing it here. I'll have to try to put it on my iphone for my court trip. We had a nice private visit with no distractions and the Hour and a half just flew by.

When I got back to the apartment the team was working with Beth on her court speech. It's been nice to see what comes next. Later we went to Tsum, shopped and had wine and then dinner at Printessa Chinese...it was good and interesting. We had a chicken dish, fried with little bones in it so you had to be careful when you ate it. It was spicy and good. Delicious dessert of Banana and Toffee. Yum! I am getting a little more adventurous with Beth here...thank goodness for Beth!

We are still deciding what we will do today...kind of wanted to go to the chocolate factory. We've asked to go to the mountains but the team doesn't seem interested in taking us...oh well. I am heading off to the Baby House in about 45 minutes and I'll continue this then.....

I am just back from the Baby House. This time when the caregiver came to the door with Stella she came right to me with her arms out for me. I melted. She can do no wrong! It started to rain so we visited inside today. No big first but we had fun.

When I went to Stella's room I handed her to the caregiver and she tried to come back to me....a first. The caregivers told Galina that Stella Sabrina was getting spoiled and that she cries for extra attention and wants to be held. They said this with a smile...thank goodness! It is a hard process on her, one that she can't understand, I am sure. She gets a couple of hours a day of attention and then wants more...you can't blame her because this sweet pea deserves all the attention that I can give her. I know that the caregivers are happy for her but it must make their jobs harder for them? They seem to love her so I pray that they will continue to give her the attention after I am gone. I should be home in 1 week from today. I find myself tearing up when I leave her and not notice until I walk away and feel the tear run down my face...much like now.... my poor angel girl...can't wait to get you home.......